Confessions Of An Email Addict

Ah crap… why has my ability to back date posts dissapeared? Now everyone is going to know how I slacked off. Damn you WordPress!! Ah…. I figured it out.. hehehehe.

There are times when I get into the ‘zone’ and it seems like I find people who are truly worth writing to. The addiction is time consuming ok! And wasting my precious intellect and wit on losers is just taxing in all sorts of ways.

Alright so I come across a profile – hilarious – high hopes – which are soon dashed with form responses but it is ok I get it these things are time consuming and what not but I believe my statement was proved with the response ;)  I’ll give ya some highlights from the profile:

• I have a big ass mirror in my shower. Most people think it’s for shaving (and it is), but what it’s REALLY for making shampoo horns and monster faces at myself every morning.

• I still eat Cocoa Puffs and watch cartoons in a tent in my living room sometimes.

• First Date: Excuse myself to go to the bathroom, come back soaking wet, offer no explanation.

Me:

Do you use the same material on all your dates or are you witty enough to come up with new stuff on the fly?

There is a perpetual tent in my living room and I sleep with pajama cat. It doesn’t make me crazy. Being a girl makes me that. Girls are hott. As is my mom. It sucked in high school but now it is cool. Except people think we are sisters. Which is great for her not so much for me. However apparently I haven’t changed since highschool. That is a good thing. I am almost sure of it.

He:

Allow me to introduce myself properly now that we’ve almost sort of met. I am a graduate from the School of Sexy with a fourth degree black belt in ass kickery. I teach at the Handsome Boy Modeling School on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Sunday mornings I practice meditation in the nude, in front of my ten cats. I have a unique gift of being able to “keep it real”, while simultaneously “taking it to the next level.” My favorite movies include Kickboxer and The Notebook.

(YAWN form response so sad buddy don’t you know who you are dealing with here?)

Me:

Hello ****** the name is ******** Can I attend classes? I am available Tuesday mornings and am trained in Tom Foolery and ‘walking with a book on your head’. It is a fine art.
I’m not really sure I could meditate nude if I had a um, thingy, every time I opened my eyes and glanced down I’d giggle. Maybe it is the boys/boobs thing.
So where is ‘the next level’ or is that a relative thing? Like where is the door?
I like long walks by the rivers edge and throwing water balloons at old people and small children. Also practical jokes an scavenger hunts.

He:

You had me at Hello. ………….blah blah – insert boring nonsense about communication – blah blah………… no he will not stalk me immediately – he has to get gas first….. blah blah………. I am a man of many talents one of them includes singing and dancing the Macarena – yeah I am just that good.

And that is pretty much it…. seriously disappointing. I mean come on people! This guy is funny put some effort in. Am I to believe that comedians are not actually funny they are just people with good material and can tell a joke? I definitely cannot tell a joke. Mostly because it involves remembering them and then telling them without laughing or snorting. Maybe I should work on that.