Small Towns are trouble with a capital ‘T’ whoops … Trouble.
Um so sometimes when you deal locally you can encounter situations that are um awkward…. like meeting the guy you have been flirting with online and finding out he is seeing one of your good friends.
Me: Hire Me! I am a computer nerd and will work for food or small funds.
He: Pleased to meet another Computer Nerd! blah blah yakkity schmackkity… So what is the web programmer doing this weekend?
Me: That is all I get? Not even a few lines? Aw… so sad.
He : (apologized profusely and then divulged his plans for the weekend)
….. something awkward happens ……
He: Thanks for coming to my party ********* And leaving the cards. They will be used!
Me: I think I put it together some time last night. Hey I ‘know’ that guy. Perhaps you knew right off the bat but I didn’t….. blah blah…..
He: Who else do you know that knows me?
Me: Just girls…… I like girls…….
Er… and then my stupid girlfriend dumped his ass. Stupid girl. He was quality people. Perhaps the lame dialog here doesn’t really do him justice but I assure you. By the way… not the first person she and I both ‘know’.
Some people think they are funny…
Ah crap… why has my ability to back date posts dissapeared? Now everyone is going to know how I slacked off. Damn you WordPress!! Ah…. I figured it out.. hehehehe.
There are times when I get into the ‘zone’ and it seems like I find people who are truly worth writing to. The addiction is time consuming ok! And wasting my precious intellect and wit on losers is just taxing in all sorts of ways.
Alright so I come across a profile – hilarious – high hopes – which are soon dashed with form responses but it is ok I get it these things are time consuming and what not but I believe my statement was proved with the response ;) I’ll give ya some highlights from the profile:
- I have a big ass mirror in my shower. Most people think it’s for shaving (and it is), but what it’s REALLY for making shampoo horns and monster faces at myself every morning.
- I still eat Cocoa Puffs and watch cartoons in a tent in my living room sometimes.
- First Date: Excuse myself to go to the bathroom, come back soaking wet, offer no explanation.
Me:
Do you use the same material on all your dates or are you witty enough to come up with new stuff on the fly?
There is a perpetual tent in my living room and I sleep with pajama cat. It doesn’t make me crazy. Being a girl makes me that. Girls are hott. As is my mom. It sucked in high school but now it is cool. Except people think we are sisters. Which is great for her not so much for me. However apparently I haven’t changed since highschool. That is a good thing. I am almost sure of it.
He:
Allow me to introduce myself properly now that we’ve almost sort of met. I am a graduate from the School of Sexy with a fourth degree black belt in ass kickery. I teach at the Handsome Boy Modeling School on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Sunday mornings I practice meditation in the nude, in front of my ten cats. I have a unique gift of being able to “keep it real”, while simultaneously “taking it to the next level.” My favorite movies include Kickboxer and The Notebook.
(YAWN form response so sad buddy don’t you know who you are dealing with here?)
Me:
Hello ****** the name is ******** Can I attend classes? I am available Tuesday mornings and am trained in Tom Foolery and ‘walking with a book on your head’. It is a fine art.
I’m not really sure I could meditate nude if I had a um, thingy, every time I opened my eyes and glanced down I’d giggle. Maybe it is the boys/boobs thing.
So where is ‘the next level’ or is that a relative thing? Like where is the door?
I like long walks by the rivers edge and throwing water balloons at old people and small children. Also practical jokes an scavenger hunts.
He:
You had me at Hello. ………….blah blah – insert boring nonsense about communication – blah blah………… no he will not stalk me immediately – he has to get gas first….. blah blah………. I am a man of many talents one of them includes singing and dancing the Macarena – yeah I am just that good.
And that is pretty much it…. seriously disappointing. I mean come on people! This guy is funny put some effort in. Am I to believe that comedians are not actually funny they are just people with good material and can tell a joke? I definitely cannot tell a joke. Mostly because it involves remembering them and then telling them without laughing or snorting. Maybe I should work on that.
