Stalkers and Secret Admirers
There is something flattering and slightly frightening about having a stalker. I imagine if the stalker is good and semi sane there is a chance you will never even know they are following you. I enjoyed some amusing conversation about stalkers with a friend recently and thought I might share it with you….
He: And ***** on my back because that’s my last name.
Me: Aw. That is nice and now I can stalk you.
He: Um should I be concerned?
Me: Depends on how private a person you are.
Numerous conversations later…..
He: Working out of town next week here at the office now.
Me: Home office is here?
He: Yup under the ****.
Me: Nice. Now I can definitely stalk you. Last name. Place of work. What colour is your truck?
He: Green, white canopy. How exciting I’ve never had a stalker before!
Me: Just wait until I start telling you things about your day.
And sending you pictures….. of you!
blah blah blah yakkity schmakkity
He: I am making this stalking thing way too easy on you***-***-****
And so I am pretty sure I proceeded to hunt down his truck and wrote, “I know what you did last Wednesday.” on his door. I was going to bust out the lipstick but I don’t know him THAT well. ha!
Me: Note I almost got into a traffic accident trying to figure out where exactly it was that you worked
He: You have to be careful when you are stalking someone.
Me: It is hazardous. But at least I keep my own personal stalkers entertained.
He clarified for me where exactly the office was…..
Me: Clearly I am the worlds worst stalker.
He: So I have nothing to worry about and go back to sleeping at night.
Me: Apparently. Aren’t stalkers harmless?
He: All stalkers are different. I remember this one time I was following this girl around…. never mind. I told you nothing.
Me: Should I be concerned? Are you dangerous?
He: Nah mostly harmless.
Anyway this has evolved into a running gag because as it turns out we know a lot of the same people although never actually see each other anywhere until later when we realize that one of us was following the other around all day or something.
Regardless. Stalking isn’t safe. Establish your boundaries and be careful!
