And some people just try to be.
Aw. I love it when people think I am great. I mean who doesn’t? But I am. Really. As far as quality goes I am right up there – take note folks. We all have our faults and I will be the first to admit mine but I get an ‘A’ for awesome!
So the saying goes:
You seem like a fun person. The kind of person you see in passing or standing out in a crowded room that, of all the other people, just strikes you as someone you really want to get to know but all too often never get a chance to even say hi. So ya…. Hi.
And then I said:
Well thanks … I don’t know if I stand out in a crowd but I am always smiling and cracking random jokes or making some sort of strange obscure gesture. Not everyone gets me and I am ok with that I am laughing inside.
Pics are good. I am addicted to taking pictures of myself. It is just fun. Also taking pictures of my random possessions piled up to look cool. Maybe I could like put them to use as backgrounds for spam or something.
So he says hi again:
What I meant by standing out in a crowd is that you get so used to people being so fake, shallow, and empty. You meet too many people and they turn out to be like everyone else. So caught up in day to day crap that they don’t take a moment to enjoy life.
You just look like someone different. You look like someone who you could talk to and not have your conversation sound like the last 10 conversations you’ve had with everyone else. (Oh I am …. and I hate that small talk crap get to the point or something interesting already.) Sometimes you can just spot that about a person. If you were walking in a crowd you look like the person I’d probably want to talk to most.
——— and on that note ———
I hate parties and the bar. People have THE MOST BORING conversations in those situations. I am sure it is because you are all drunk. But I don’t drink. So unless I am laughing at what you are saying I am laughing at your inability to communicate and the effort you are putting in (or lack of). The best is talking to people the later on and they don’t remember half of what they talked to you about.
No wait. The best is that this is a socially acceptable way to connect with other people! What the heck is with that? How exactly do you figure folks? Last time I checked a loud, drunken mess of a place is not the best way to meet someone or connect.
I am forever starting conversations with people that do not involve the questions “what do you do for a living?” or “how is your night going?” allow me to give you some real conversation starting questions:
“Global warming is a sham and that Al Gore book is Global Warming for Dummies”
“Do you believe in God?”
“So where is your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband?”
“See this scar? I got it from a donkey.”
“What do you think about suburbia?”
Oh there are tons. Piles. Think people. Be creative. For crap sakes be true to yourselves. (ok that last bit was slightly off topic but it is all the same really – 36 inches around….. think about it…)
Small Towns are trouble with a capital ‘T’ whoops … Trouble.
Um so sometimes when you deal locally you can encounter situations that are um awkward…. like meeting the guy you have been flirting with online and finding out he is seeing one of your good friends.
Me: Hire Me! I am a computer nerd and will work for food or small funds.
He: Pleased to meet another Computer Nerd! blah blah yakkity schmackkity… So what is the web programmer doing this weekend?
Me: That is all I get? Not even a few lines? Aw… so sad.
He : (apologized profusely and then divulged his plans for the weekend)
….. something awkward happens ……
He: Thanks for coming to my party ********* And leaving the cards. They will be used!
Me: I think I put it together some time last night. Hey I ‘know’ that guy. Perhaps you knew right off the bat but I didn’t….. blah blah…..
He: Who else do you know that knows me?
Me: Just girls…… I like girls…….
Er… and then my stupid girlfriend dumped his ass. Stupid girl. He was quality people. Perhaps the lame dialog here doesn’t really do him justice but I assure you. By the way… not the first person she and I both ‘know’.
Some people think they are funny…
Ah crap… why has my ability to back date posts dissapeared? Now everyone is going to know how I slacked off. Damn you WordPress!! Ah…. I figured it out.. hehehehe.
There are times when I get into the ‘zone’ and it seems like I find people who are truly worth writing to. The addiction is time consuming ok! And wasting my precious intellect and wit on losers is just taxing in all sorts of ways.
Alright so I come across a profile – hilarious – high hopes – which are soon dashed with form responses but it is ok I get it these things are time consuming and what not but I believe my statement was proved with the response ;) I’ll give ya some highlights from the profile:
- I have a big ass mirror in my shower. Most people think it’s for shaving (and it is), but what it’s REALLY for making shampoo horns and monster faces at myself every morning.
- I still eat Cocoa Puffs and watch cartoons in a tent in my living room sometimes.
- First Date: Excuse myself to go to the bathroom, come back soaking wet, offer no explanation.
Me:
Do you use the same material on all your dates or are you witty enough to come up with new stuff on the fly?
There is a perpetual tent in my living room and I sleep with pajama cat. It doesn’t make me crazy. Being a girl makes me that. Girls are hott. As is my mom. It sucked in high school but now it is cool. Except people think we are sisters. Which is great for her not so much for me. However apparently I haven’t changed since highschool. That is a good thing. I am almost sure of it.
He:
Allow me to introduce myself properly now that we’ve almost sort of met. I am a graduate from the School of Sexy with a fourth degree black belt in ass kickery. I teach at the Handsome Boy Modeling School on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Sunday mornings I practice meditation in the nude, in front of my ten cats. I have a unique gift of being able to “keep it real”, while simultaneously “taking it to the next level.” My favorite movies include Kickboxer and The Notebook.
(YAWN form response so sad buddy don’t you know who you are dealing with here?)
Me:
Hello ****** the name is ******** Can I attend classes? I am available Tuesday mornings and am trained in Tom Foolery and ‘walking with a book on your head’. It is a fine art.
I’m not really sure I could meditate nude if I had a um, thingy, every time I opened my eyes and glanced down I’d giggle. Maybe it is the boys/boobs thing.
So where is ‘the next level’ or is that a relative thing? Like where is the door?
I like long walks by the rivers edge and throwing water balloons at old people and small children. Also practical jokes an scavenger hunts.
He:
You had me at Hello. ………….blah blah – insert boring nonsense about communication – blah blah………… no he will not stalk me immediately – he has to get gas first….. blah blah………. I am a man of many talents one of them includes singing and dancing the Macarena – yeah I am just that good.
And that is pretty much it…. seriously disappointing. I mean come on people! This guy is funny put some effort in. Am I to believe that comedians are not actually funny they are just people with good material and can tell a joke? I definitely cannot tell a joke. Mostly because it involves remembering them and then telling them without laughing or snorting. Maybe I should work on that.
Stalkers and Secret Admirers
There is something flattering and slightly frightening about having a stalker. I imagine if the stalker is good and semi sane there is a chance you will never even know they are following you. I enjoyed some amusing conversation about stalkers with a friend recently and thought I might share it with you….
He: And ***** on my back because that’s my last name.
Me: Aw. That is nice and now I can stalk you.
He: Um should I be concerned?
Me: Depends on how private a person you are.
Numerous conversations later…..
He: Working out of town next week here at the office now.
Me: Home office is here?
He: Yup under the ****.
Me: Nice. Now I can definitely stalk you. Last name. Place of work. What colour is your truck?
He: Green, white canopy. How exciting I’ve never had a stalker before!
Me: Just wait until I start telling you things about your day.
And sending you pictures….. of you!
blah blah blah yakkity schmakkity
He: I am making this stalking thing way too easy on you***-***-****
And so I am pretty sure I proceeded to hunt down his truck and wrote, “I know what you did last Wednesday.” on his door. I was going to bust out the lipstick but I don’t know him THAT well. ha!
Me: Note I almost got into a traffic accident trying to figure out where exactly it was that you worked
He: You have to be careful when you are stalking someone.
Me: It is hazardous. But at least I keep my own personal stalkers entertained.
He clarified for me where exactly the office was…..
Me: Clearly I am the worlds worst stalker.
He: So I have nothing to worry about and go back to sleeping at night.
Me: Apparently. Aren’t stalkers harmless?
He: All stalkers are different. I remember this one time I was following this girl around…. never mind. I told you nothing.
Me: Should I be concerned? Are you dangerous?
He: Nah mostly harmless.
Anyway this has evolved into a running gag because as it turns out we know a lot of the same people although never actually see each other anywhere until later when we realize that one of us was following the other around all day or something.
Regardless. Stalking isn’t safe. Establish your boundaries and be careful!
GoDaddy.com hosting sucks and I hate them.
I made the error of giving GoDaddy.com hosting a try for one of my websites that I needed to change hosts. Thinking, hey, they are huge they must be doing something right. Stupid me. GoDaddy.com webhosting sucks immensely I sign up and get something that resembles a ‘welcome’ email but is really just a receipt and some advertising. I never actually receive a welcome email. Wow. For real? No… here is your info and some FAQs. Here is the FTP info for your site and how to start uploading. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.
Whatever I am over it. So I go to add a couple databases (*!$^#@!%#& wrong. No you will not. Because your user & database name can’t be whatever you want them to be they have to be ‘unique’. Unique to what they never actually tell you but if the stupid thing resembles a word or anything intelligible you can pretty much guarantee an error. Took me three days to figure that out. And yes, I sent a ticket to the support desk and no, they did not answer my question. Database created though not how I wanted them to be… what the eff? Why exactly do you need to exercise so much control over MY databases?
So back to the FTP info. Is it so wrong to want to use MY FTP client to transfer massive amounts of data from one server to another? I don’t think so. These seems like a reasonable request. But NO GoDaddy.com doesn’t seem to think so because do you think I have access to my FTP info? No. Do you think they could drop me an email and let me know what it is? No. Do you think if I asked them they would tell me? No. Seriously I am a little more than irked.
Not to mention that the site takes forever to load, is littered with advertising, full of useless information and these people don’t even have a toll free number to call! Wow. And on top of it all I am almost positive that I read a different user agreement when I was purchasing than is posted on their site. I never read them but for whatever reason I read this one from top to bottom and remember reading that if I cancel within the first 30 days they will keep a portion of my payment. Fine, fair enough, for all your hard work and all right? My ass. Anyway… I have been asking for a refund for about 4 days now and surprise surprise no one has gotten back to me. So I read up on it a little here and right in the agreement it says they won’t refund your money if you don’t use their service! WHAT THE EFF is that!! So now I have to report you to fricken consumer reports too or something? How can you NOT give me my money back if you fail to deliver a service?
So I confess I feel like a jack ass for not doing a little more research before choosing this crap ass web host but now I am warning you and every possible person I can.
www.godaddy.com sucks!! Don’t do it!! Don’t use them whatever you do. If you are looking for a cheap webhost that is awesome and reliable email me and I’ll tell you who I use. I love them and I am so SORRY that I ever considered using someone else. I will NEVER EVER EVER do that again. I am loyal and faithful to you until the end of my days THANK YOU for being so awesome! I have a whole new appreciation for web hosting that delivers what they promise with an easy to use interface and great support!
The Ladder Theory
Well…. I often suggest that people read www.laddertheory.com just because it is entertaining and has some truth to it. However apparently it seriously upset this fellow:
Well I read the damn theory. This ***hole suggests to I be more interested in my bad illegal habit then the woman I`m with, neglect her and abuse her, cheat on her if I can, and attack her self-esteem. Low self esteem is one of the biggest enemys of all women. Instead of endorsing underhanded ways of hurting women we should be fighting against these EVIL ideas (or misguided if you prefer). This guy talks the whole time about how women are whores and ****es that like to be abused and want nothing more then money and power. If I ever date a girl like that it would be over in a flash because I wouldn`t treat a girl I loved like that, or any girl no matter how I felt. This guy is obviously a scared, hurt, twisted, Misogynist. He was devastated by some cold heartless **** and now forever hates women. Now he spreads hate through his misguided theory that looks solely at the dark side of life. He probably got all his info from the bar crowd, because that is how it works in the night life.
You just touch on my Holy Discontent.
Whew. We can breathe again. Feel the emotion. Wow. Hey at least he is passionate. While I do not think it is the ‘greatest’ analogy in the world, sadly it is true. Men are men. You can’t help it it is only natural they are simple creatures – hunting & sex. That is what it all boils down to. Steak & Blowjob day? I rest my case.
It is good you are simple creatures. Women tend to complicate the crap out of things if we didn’t have you to simplify it well we’d be screwed. Do I have a problem with the part where it says women are all about money and power – meh. It is true. To a point. Everyone has a different perspective of what wealth and success are to them. To me: if you are happy beyond measure and have very little debt then you know what? You are successful and wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. What girl would honestly want to marry a guy who can’t pay his bills? Or the other way round for that matter.
I chalk them up to facts of life. Really they are facts of society because life does not necessarily have to involve wealth or power. Happiness and courage perhaps are good replacements… ah… until then. Adieu.
